Self Loathing Playlist

Hi guys,

So I dabbled, I had a go at another blogging platform, but guess I'm back here. Blogger is clunky and a bit outdated, I guess, but in that sense it is a lot like me. I have a fondness for outdated things, I was on blogger BEFORE and AFTER it was cool. I'm the ultimate hipster, right? Right guys????

So what have I been doing (apart from struggling to seem relevant)?

Short answer:

Wallowing in the pits of self loathing.

Long answer:

*deep breath*

I've been so entirely caught up with my assignments and uni work over the past couple of weeks, I kinda stopped knowing where one week ended and the other began. I've been caught in a fog of stress, which has also triggered my eczema, making me a very itchy, small ball of stress. Also, my knee has been giving me a bit of trouble from a running injury, so I haven't been able to work out a lot. Also, it's my final year so everything is pretty much do or die, so I've been putting so much pressure on myself. Additionally, I messed up entirely for the final submission for one of my last assignments so I was having a short mental breakdown over the last few days which involved a lot of staring blankly at the ceiling and contemplating my future job prospects. The thoughts of my GPA spiraling into the depths of hell kept me up at night. Would I ever be able to leave the supermarket I've worked at for the past 3 years? Would this be my eternity? Scanning grocery items? Truth be told, I've had a few grocery related nightmares, so perhaps this was an omen. Anyway, all the business about the assignment has almost cleared up now. Only time will really tell what's going to happen with this whole thing. But on the plus side, if everything goes to shit, at least I'll still have this blog right?

/end


Okay, so now you're caught up with my life. I hope you are doing well.

I've put together a short, 3 song playlist to pretty much encapsulate my mood over the past few days or so. So, listen and enjoy experiencing the week with me, and lets hope this all blows over soon and I can listen to boppy pop songs again.

Long & Lost - Florence & the Machine*

Well, for obvious reasons Florence is on this list. This song is on repeat because a) I am very sad and b) Florence is the only person whose music has such a calming effect on me. Seriously, tingles up my spine every single time. Anyway, I was listening to this mid despair, probably at the lowest and the saddest point of the whole debacle. I think what I loved about this song was entirely the simplicity of it, yet the ability for such a depth of emotion and vulnerability to be expressed through the lyrics. I sit here, a broken woman. Completely and utterly shattered from one of the hardest semesters of my entire academic career, and she manages to encapsulate it perfectly through her voice. Ah, who am I kidding. Listen to it, you'll figure out exactly what I mean.

Retrograde  - James Blake

Seriously smooth, serious velvety. James Blake's sensual voice is like a warm fuzzy blanket for my tattered and broken spirit. An addition to the playlist because its sad melody and lyrics are like a soothing cup of tea for my soul. A strong beat and a catchy little tune that has worked wonders for feeding my very, very, very sad state of mind, but also improving on it slightly. So I started listening to this in a pretty much learning to cope stage of the overall state of my life and the path it has now careened down. I'm using James Blake as the velvety blanket that will hide me from the worries of the world.

Tiny Cities - Flume feat. Beck

And finally, acceptance. I actually, was trying to get into the new Flume album but was struggling to really like it. I found the songs a bit jagged without really reaching any sort of comfortable listening tempo. Like I couldn't concentrate or do anything at all whilst listening to the album, such a confusing experience. But this song. This song is it, the only thing holding me afloat in this sea of distress. Its a bit more upbeat, and I guess at this stage I am feeling a little more upbeat. But still, listening to the lyrics. You'll get the gist of how everything has turned out. "It was never perfect it was never meant to last". And is that an analogy of my good feelings towards my grades and overall performance at a tertiary level education? Perhaps it is, my friends. Perhaps it is.

Much love,

Kristen

* To my friends who keep on saying that my obsession with Florence & the Machine is bordering unhealthy, well, all I have to say to you is *fart noise*

Florence and the Machine: What Love Feels Like

Okay, so this is a bit of a different post today. I'm going to get personal, I'm going to get emotional, and just a bit sappy. This post had to be made, though. I couldn't ignore this one and save it for another week. I'll ask for forgiveness in advance, because I know this is going to cause a lot of cringing and eye rolling. If we can get through it, let me tell you I have a lot of fun stuff hanging out in my queue, just hold on. It'll be over soon. To start off with, I'm going to ask you a question.

Do you believe in soul? 

Well, another question if you do: Have you ever felt like the your soul rise? Like some great crescendo of spirit rising from within and with an exhale just being released into the sky? You feel your heart lifting and your ribs expanding and there's like this warmth rising from within. Soon like you're tingly all over and its like this calmness descends.

I think it's such a weird sensation, there's very few experiences in life that make you feel that way.

Perhaps falling in love, or the first time you see snow, or maybe even seeing a baby being born. Soulful moments, heart wrenching moments, moments in your life where nothing matters but what is occurring before you. These moments drag you out of the past and the future, and push you into the present.

Music makes me feel that way. Some songs in particular, they just strike this weird heart chord with me that reaches within and twists and turns and just stops me in my tracks. That's why I find it so hard to listen to music and talk to people, because every now and then I'll hear a song and I have to stop, and I have to listen.

For this reason, I never listen to Florence and the Machine unless I know I can give my full attention to Florence Welch and her band. This is because to me, her music feels like love and her lyrics feel like heaven; there are no other musicians I have ever listened to who have caught my soul in such a manner.

A bit dramatic. But I digress.

When Florence and the Machine's "How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful" world tour named Perth as their first Australian tour location it was a given. I had to go. It was non-negotiable. Exams be damned, I missed seeing her last time, I couldn't let that happen again. This woman with the flame red hair and soft, whispering voice understood me more than any human on the planet. Her music wasn't just "relatable", no, Florence and the Machine pretty much summed up everything I couldn't say, all my thoughts, all my dreams, all the things I had been feeling for the last five years and laid it bare through the power of song. So I did it, I bought my tickets and the date was set. The 7th of November inched it's way along through the year, and finally. Yesterday, it happened. I saw my Queen. I saw the only woman on the planet who understood me, and it was euphoric.

How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

I think I've talked about teenage crushes before. But Florence isn't just a crush for me, you see, it's pure love. I know nothing about her background or who she is as a person. To be honest, I couldn't care less. She could be wearing a sequinned, spandex, morph suit and it wouldn't even matter to me. All I know is her music, and all I know of that music is that there's something about it - whether it's the lyrics or the beats of the drums that resonates in my core.

Florence tells stories in her music; about her life, her emotions, her past. The years have passed and the stories have changed. From Lungs, to Ceremonials, and How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful the theme has changed, the songs have changed, but, the words still ring true. She opened with What the Water Gave Me (which caused my sister and I to grasp each other in awe, we have been singing that song in the lead up to the concert non-stop, almost psychic there). From then the music kept flowing, she reached out and sang every song we knew, every lyric that fell from her lips were echoed on ours. We were spell bound and dizzy from her voice echoing within us.

Entranced, even from the nosebleed section.

Some artists are pretty hit and miss with how they sound on the album and how they sound in live performance. Not Florence and the Machine. This band was MEANT to be heard live. Florence's voice was powerful, stunning, and non-wavering throughout the whole performance. It was stronger in performance, there was passion and fire there that you can't hear on the album. Faultless. She pirouetted, danced, ran and jumped. Her voice remained strong, pure, and perfect. The audience was spellbound, when Florence began to sing, there was silence - soon everyone would start singing with her. Our hands raised in the air, and our bodies swaying. We had nosebleed seats, yet we danced and sung like she was no more than a few meters in front of us. How could we not? I think what made it was Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up) Florence took a lap of the audience. She stopped to embrace her adoring fans, raising their hands up to her. It was unbelievable. Without skipping a beat, she was singing, she was perfect. How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful featured in the middle, inspired from the place with the "biggest, bluest skies I've ever seen". She reached into the audience, a roar erupted from the crowd. If she didn't have us before, she had us then. You could see the hands reaching from the audience, you could see them absorbing every single word she spoke like it was a drink of the coolest, clearest water. We were silent when Florence spoke, we erupted with joy when she sang.

The most beautiful moment, however, was towards the end. Florence and The Machine exited the stage for a small break. Soon, the whole audience were holding their phones out. A sea of twinkling lights. In the dark it was like looking at the night sky. Just magical.

Twinkling stars

I think last night cemented something in my mind that I'd been feeling for years and years. I was allowed to let music be something more than what I hear on the radio; I was allowed to let the music wash over me and make me feel the happiest I had felt in years. I danced like an idiot. I sang even louder. Heading into work with a husky post-concert voice was worth it. Last night was incredible.

Thank you SO much Florence and the Machine. That was the most amazing performance I have ever witnessed. The music on the albums I have owned for all those many, many years will mean so much more now. The songs have life now. Definitely one of the greatest highlights of my year.



 x Kristen

*Beautiful photography provided by my considerate younger sister, I was too enamored to take any*

A Going Away Playlist

Well, I mean, I'm not going for good.

I'm on vacation for the next month or so, so  I thought I'd send myself off with a fun little playlist of the 5 top songs I have been listening to non stop in the lead up to this adventure. (Now, don't judge me... these songs are so catchy and dance-y, you can't help but absolutely get into a nice groove and dance yourself on holiday)

So, in no particular order, here's 5 of my favourite songs for my summer European get-away.

Shut Up And Dance by Walk The Moon

This one is really catchy, reminds me of a modern take on 80s pop. I love this one, it's probably one you're going to hear on radios everywhere right about now. I think its such a cute little song, and the music video is pretty cute too. The dance moves are rocking and the hairstyles need work, but I mean, that's pretty much my life story so I guess that resonates with me the most. 

Papaoutai by Stromae

Oh man, this is a powerful one. I don't speak French in the slightest but the music video speaks for itself. There's no denying that Stromae is a musical genius, take a look at Tous Les Mêmes. His music videos are always super on point too. The musicality is genius, but also the pain behind the song speaks across the boundaries of language.  I feel as though my words cannot even do this song justice. Just know that I have it playing on repeat. Although I do like Tous Les Mêmes, Papaoutai is my favourite one of his songs.

Magic by San Cisco

A bit lighter, something that I find quite enjoyable and fun. Mainly because I have a thing for cheesy horror props and cute love stories. The song itself has a catchiness about it that I can't deny, however, the music video sold it for me. This one was won out purely because of Nosferatu driving the Lamborghini and moon walking. What can I say, I'm a sucker for the kind of kitsch that San Cisco is putting out these days.

Pray To God by Calvin Harris, featuring HAIM

Okay, this one was won out despite the kick ass music video. I am officially a HAIM fangirl. Paired in with my love of electropop, come on, how was I going to leave this song out? Okay, so it's a bit old now, but as per usual, I have just discovered it. Non-stop music for working out. I feel like I can kick serious butt when listening to this song, it's really empowering. Lets be honest though, most HAIM songs make me feel that way, I don't know why the addition of Calvin Harris made this one any different.

Ship to Wreck by Florence + The Machine

Okay, I'm a bit torn about this one. The same level of feeling that Ceremonials had somehow cannot be matched by Florence's current album. Ceremonials had something in it... a deep melodic soulfulness that reminded me of prayer. However, this song comes close to capturing the essence I felt before. I will probably never be able to fall in love with this song the way I fell in love with the whole of Ceremonials, but damn, I think I'm close. This song is one for the repeat, until I know how I properly feel about it. 

Well, I guess that's about it. This and a whole lot of Fleetwood Mac, but I'm sure those of you who know me well enough know that I could probably dedicate a whole blog to The Mac. They are love, they are life. Now to work out whether or not I want to spend the upwards of $200 to go see them in concert. Decisions... decisions....

In the mean time, I'll be on vacation!

I hope you all stay safe and have a great next few weeks of break.

I'll see you when I get back :)

If you would like to keep up with my travels, my travel blog can be found here. I hope to be updating it daily, and when I can't, there is always my Instagram and my Twitter that you can keep up with.

Lots of love,

Kristen