Self Loathing Playlist

Hi guys,

So I dabbled, I had a go at another blogging platform, but guess I'm back here. Blogger is clunky and a bit outdated, I guess, but in that sense it is a lot like me. I have a fondness for outdated things, I was on blogger BEFORE and AFTER it was cool. I'm the ultimate hipster, right? Right guys????

So what have I been doing (apart from struggling to seem relevant)?

Short answer:

Wallowing in the pits of self loathing.

Long answer:

*deep breath*

I've been so entirely caught up with my assignments and uni work over the past couple of weeks, I kinda stopped knowing where one week ended and the other began. I've been caught in a fog of stress, which has also triggered my eczema, making me a very itchy, small ball of stress. Also, my knee has been giving me a bit of trouble from a running injury, so I haven't been able to work out a lot. Also, it's my final year so everything is pretty much do or die, so I've been putting so much pressure on myself. Additionally, I messed up entirely for the final submission for one of my last assignments so I was having a short mental breakdown over the last few days which involved a lot of staring blankly at the ceiling and contemplating my future job prospects. The thoughts of my GPA spiraling into the depths of hell kept me up at night. Would I ever be able to leave the supermarket I've worked at for the past 3 years? Would this be my eternity? Scanning grocery items? Truth be told, I've had a few grocery related nightmares, so perhaps this was an omen. Anyway, all the business about the assignment has almost cleared up now. Only time will really tell what's going to happen with this whole thing. But on the plus side, if everything goes to shit, at least I'll still have this blog right?

/end


Okay, so now you're caught up with my life. I hope you are doing well.

I've put together a short, 3 song playlist to pretty much encapsulate my mood over the past few days or so. So, listen and enjoy experiencing the week with me, and lets hope this all blows over soon and I can listen to boppy pop songs again.

Long & Lost - Florence & the Machine*

Well, for obvious reasons Florence is on this list. This song is on repeat because a) I am very sad and b) Florence is the only person whose music has such a calming effect on me. Seriously, tingles up my spine every single time. Anyway, I was listening to this mid despair, probably at the lowest and the saddest point of the whole debacle. I think what I loved about this song was entirely the simplicity of it, yet the ability for such a depth of emotion and vulnerability to be expressed through the lyrics. I sit here, a broken woman. Completely and utterly shattered from one of the hardest semesters of my entire academic career, and she manages to encapsulate it perfectly through her voice. Ah, who am I kidding. Listen to it, you'll figure out exactly what I mean.

Retrograde  - James Blake

Seriously smooth, serious velvety. James Blake's sensual voice is like a warm fuzzy blanket for my tattered and broken spirit. An addition to the playlist because its sad melody and lyrics are like a soothing cup of tea for my soul. A strong beat and a catchy little tune that has worked wonders for feeding my very, very, very sad state of mind, but also improving on it slightly. So I started listening to this in a pretty much learning to cope stage of the overall state of my life and the path it has now careened down. I'm using James Blake as the velvety blanket that will hide me from the worries of the world.

Tiny Cities - Flume feat. Beck

And finally, acceptance. I actually, was trying to get into the new Flume album but was struggling to really like it. I found the songs a bit jagged without really reaching any sort of comfortable listening tempo. Like I couldn't concentrate or do anything at all whilst listening to the album, such a confusing experience. But this song. This song is it, the only thing holding me afloat in this sea of distress. Its a bit more upbeat, and I guess at this stage I am feeling a little more upbeat. But still, listening to the lyrics. You'll get the gist of how everything has turned out. "It was never perfect it was never meant to last". And is that an analogy of my good feelings towards my grades and overall performance at a tertiary level education? Perhaps it is, my friends. Perhaps it is.

Much love,

Kristen

* To my friends who keep on saying that my obsession with Florence & the Machine is bordering unhealthy, well, all I have to say to you is *fart noise*